We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring