can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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