I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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