she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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