Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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