I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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