New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit