I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..