Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.