I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
