That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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