The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize