i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
