youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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