my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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