By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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