it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
