How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I puked a lego.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
