I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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