I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
