Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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