He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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