I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
