Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going