dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
