dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
