My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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