We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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