how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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