shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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