Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
