There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
