Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
