Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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