so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize