Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
