So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.