she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire