my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji