Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.