it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"