yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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