I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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