I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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