Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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