the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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