i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
