before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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