so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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