You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
