You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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