Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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