hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.