its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were destined to go to rehab together
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.