You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.