I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!