Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.