she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.