We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.