dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
