If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
