Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..