Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear