omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"