lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.