White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again